Blog Tour: Book Review + Guest Post + Giveaway: Dear Teen Me: Authors Write Letters to Their Teen Selves

Title: Dear Teen Me: Authors Write Letters to Their Teen Selves
Edited By: E. Kristen Anderson and Miranda Kenneally
PAPERBACK
Amount of Pages: 192
Publisher: Zest Books
Release Date: October 31, 2012
Geared Towards: All Readers
From: Publisher (ARC Copy)
Extra Info: This is an anthology of letters written by authors. It is in full color



Summary (From B.O.B): Growing pains are an essential part of teenage life, for better and for worse. Some "mistakes"turn into positive, life-changing experiences, and some apparent triumphs seem in retrospect, like low points. Some first kisses leave you feeling on top of the world, and others can mae you want to hide undre a rock. In DEAR TEEN ME, your favorite YA authors-including Lauren Oliver, Ellen Hopkins, Tom Angleberger, and Carrie Jones-revisit critical moments from their young lives and offer advice and guidance to their teeange selves. So pick a page, and find out...

*Who found true love at 18?

*Who wishes she'd had more fun in high school instead of studying so hard?

*And who skipped prom to go to a Grateful Dead concert, only to wind up stranded?

The letters cover a wide range of topics, including physical abuse, body issues, bullying, friendship, love, and enough insecurities to fill an auditorium. So whether you're a theatre kid, a band geek, a bad boy, a good girl, a loner, a stoner, a nerd or a jock, you'll find friends-and a lot of familiar faces-in DEAR TEEN ME.

Wdebo's Review: Once I saw the summary of DEAR TEEN ME, I was instantly intrigued and knew I just had to read it and I am so happy I did. This book is filled with letters from all kinds of authors so reading it, I saw a lot of familiar (and not so familiar faces) and will definitely help you to relive all of your good (and not so pleasent) teenage years. And for readers that are not yet teens it will give them something to look forward to (or dread) later in their lives.

The topics of the letters span to all sorts of different topics. They range from very funny, lighthearted warnings to deep issues. No matter what stage of life you are currently in, there will definitely be at least one story which you will be able to identify with. I especially liked the letters about being weird with "weird friends" because that was totally how my friends and I were like in high school. We were the nerds the holed up in the library and talked books and other things (like dramas) 24/7.

I also liked the fact that is was in full color, it just made it look cooler and was much more fun to read.

Cafe Cover Chat: The cover is pretty good but not the best. I like the postal theme. (B-)

All in all, a great anthology that is sure to keep you busy for a couple of fun, nostalgic hours.

Grade: B+

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For a "guest post," I asked a few of my friends to create their own "Dear Teen Me"s and this is what they came up with. Enjoy!

Dear Teen Me,

Don't be afraid of trying new things. You'll never know what you are capable of until you actually try it. Have fun and be surprised!

Pricilla

Dear Teen Me,
You'll fall in love...and out of love many times before you find Mr. Right, so don't obsess over the first or even fifth. Don't be stupid just to prove a point. Lastly, Miss Congeniality taught me to S.I.N.G, and you should learn it well!
Always Yours,
Liz

Dear Teen Me,

There are some pretty huge changes coming in your life, so just go with it! Never forget who you are, don't worry too much about the future because everything will work out, and most importantly, you'll get freckles from too much sun exposure so stop trying to get tan.

Lots of love, 

Lisa

Dear Teen Me,
Forever cherish the good times and learn from the bad. Always stay true to yourself and have faith that life is on your side. Listen to others but remember to think critically about what they say and let curiosity be your guiding light. Oh and don't forgot about that thing you left that time in the room of your best friend's boyfriend's cousin's house.You'll need it back.
Your Number One Fan,Steph

Dear Teen Me,

Remember: "Life is a great big canvas and you should throw all the paint on it you can"~Danny Kaye. That red streak of anger you slap on when your close friends betray you...it will be covered by a multitude of blue dots that represent all your newly formed friendships.

The black paint that drenches the entire canvas will be washed away by a fiery orange-yellow. And along the way, you'll add playful purple swirls and splatters of lime green. 

In the end, through the good ties and the bad, you'll turn out to be a wonderful masterpiece. 

Take this piece of advice and start painting.

Yours truly,

Older me

Dear Teen Me,
Eat the damn food. Keep it down.
Sincerely,
Someone who cares.

Dear Teen Me,

Your teens will be over before you know it, so stop moping because the past is over, and jump head first into the adventures of everyday life. Cherish time spent with loved ones RIGHT NOW and don't forget to live in the moment. Take it from me: your life will work out how it's supposed to. So don't sweat the small stuff, don't sell yourself short, and keep that head up, kid.

Yours truly,

Older Rissa

Dear Teen Me,

I want to promise you right here, right now that everything turns out okay. There are some storms ahead but you know what? You will never be alone.
Hannah

Dear Teen Me,

Every day is a new chance for you to ensure that the future isn't like the past. Lighten up!

I love you,

Eva

Dear Teen Me,

Sweet girl, don’t be so shy or so scared. You will see, honey, everything (and I mean everything) in this world happens for a reason. Hold on to those sweet moments at home and at school because you will miss them dearly. Love and accept yourself.

Dear Teen Me,

Focus on the important stuff in life, more precisely, the important people, like true friends and above all your mom. She did everything and gave everything she had for you, so don't disrespect her to be "cool." The people you are trying to be cool for will move on it life and forget about you as you will them. Your mom will love you and care about you forever (as will your aunt and other family members/true friends).

Much love,

Mariam 

PS-Don't watch Gossip Girl or other teen crap-it does you no good!

~~~

And now for a giveaway!

Just fill out the form below...best of luck to you!

Giveaway ends:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Wdebo :)

I was not paid for this post.

Guest (Character) Post: Cara Leonard from POPULAZZI

Hi World! In Order to celebrate the paperback release of POPULAZZI, author, Elise Allen, has decided to do a little blog tour. So without further ado, here is a fun and delectable character post from the protagonist, Cara Leonard.

Enjoy!

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Hey!  Cara Leonard here, and ever since Populazzi came out, I’ve been getting a lot of questions about my eating habits.  Usually they go something like, “You don’t seriously eat all that weird stuff, do you?”  And they’re usually accompanied by a curled-lip grimace that makes me feel like I have something gross hanging off my face. 

But the thing is, I do eat all that weird stuff.  And it’s really good.  So since Debo was nice enough to invite me here, I thought I’d take the opportunity to present a full day’s meals worth of my favorite delicacies.  Chefs of the world, be on alert: if you’re searching for innovative new ideas, look no further.  Read, implement… and make sure you give me a shout-out when you get your James Beard award.

Breakfast:  Fauxtmeal Cookie Bowl

Take one serving of raw rolled oats and mix with enough cottage cheese to just coat the oats.  Mix in cinnamon and sugar (or your sweetener of choice – we always have Stevia in the house, so I’ve been using that) to taste.  The final concoction should have the consistency of oatmeal cookie dough, which is almost exactly what it tastes like. 

Lunch: Pumpkin Almond Surprise

Take one brown rice tortilla and cover with almond butter.  Add a layer of pumpkin butter.  The “surprise” part is the third ingredient, which you can mix up depending on your mood.  I sometimes put in banana, sometimes shredded coconut… or if I’m really feeling decadent, I’ll add a square of dark chocolate right in the middle, like a hidden treat.  When everything’s on the tortilla, fold in half and enjoy.

Afternoon Snack: Cap’n AppleNutter

Use one of those apple corer/slicer things to cut an apple into pieces.  Coat each piece liberally with peanut butter (which is totally different than the almond butter you had at lunch), then roll in Cap’n Crunch until coated.  Yes, the super-sugared dry cereal can feel like it’s cutting into your mouth sometimes… but that just makes the meal a little more adventurous.

Dinner:  Toasted Broccoli and Ketchup

No, no – really, it’s good.  So you take plain raw broccoli, put it in the toaster oven, and bake it at 450 until it’s brown and crispy.  Then you salt it up, drench it in organic ketchup – it has to be organic or it’s too thin and sugary – then crunch away!  I know it seems like more of a side dish than a complete dinner, but I like it so much I usually make a lot, and then I’m not really hungry for anything else.

Dessert: French Fries Dipped in Chocolate Milkshake

No further explanation necessary; it’s just the best food on the planet.

So there you go!  A full day of deliciousness for which your stomach will no doubt thank me.  And speaking of thanks, I want to thank Wdebo for having me on the blog!  I had a great time, and now I’m inspired to write down more of my culinary brainstorms.  I need to get ready because if anyone from Food Network sees this blog, they’ll totally be calling me to host my own show.

~~~

Hope you all liked it...and now I'm off to the kitchen to try out some of these food options~~

Wdebo :)

P.S. Did this post whet your appetite to read this novel? Check out the book trailer HERE~

BB: Guest Post + Contest: Jess C Scott

Next up is Jess C Scott!! Enjoy!

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Staying Focused as an Indie Author, by Jess C Scott

Jess C Scott, author of The Cyberpunk Elven Trilogy and EyeLeash: A Blog Novel
Independent publishing offers tremendous opportunities to writers everywhere. The indie publishing model is speedy and efficient, and allows a writer to have full creative and business control.

I decided to self-publish my debut book (EyeLeash: A Blog Novel) in June 2009. I published my second book in August 2009. Both these books (and many of my subsequent novellas/novels) aren’t exactly “commercially categorizable.” They don’t fall neatly into a specific category. These types of books can be problematic for mainstream commercial publishers, who have certain expectations with regards to the business of commercial genre fiction.

Some writers write for the money. Others write because they love to write, and want to share their work with the world. I happen to fall somewhere in the middle.

My ultimate goal in life has always been to “making a living from writing” (I’m currently 24, and have one more “basic financial goal” to meet in 2011).

I’ve noticed that there seems to be a lot of focus on how much indie authors earn, and how many copies they sell. There seems to be a lot more emphasis on quantity, instead of quality. Maybe this is because society values money and materialism. I’ve had to question my own values and beliefs, along the way, to decide for myself what I really wanted to do (as an indie author).
At the end of the day, I want the stories I write to be able to stand the test of time. Earning an income from writing is important to me, but I cannot do it at the expense of my vision as an author/artist/non-conformist.

What I’m making money from is just as (if not more) important to me, as how much I’m earning (with regards to writing/publishing).

Indie publishing offers me the opportunity to get stories out in a timely fashion, and create stories that I want to write, not what a conglomerate dictates to me is right for a particular genre/market.

As an artist, I’m very careful to ensure that I do not exploit this opportunity, which traditional commercial publishing is not be able to provide for me. This is why I continue to stay focused on the characters and storyline.

Making money is great. But making money from providing something of meaningful value is even better.

To all the indie authors out there who share a similar perspective: Do what you love. Keep improving. Keep going.
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LINKS:

Website: http://www.jesscscott.com
EyeLeash Page: http://jessink.com/eyeleash.htm
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jesscscott
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jesscscott

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jess identifies herself as an author/artist/non-conformist. Her literary work has appeared in a diverse range of publications, such as Word Riot, ITCH Magazine, and The Battered Suitcase. She is currently working on a YA “seven deadly sins” series, an incubus-themed anthology, and The Cyberpunk Elven Trilogy. Connect with Jess online at www.jesscscott.com.

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NOW CONTEST TIME!

Just fill out the contest below for a chance to win a signed copy of EYELEASH: A BLOG NOVEL.

Wdebo :)

BB: Guest Post + Contest: Alex Cavanaugh

Next up is the author of CassaStar [My review HERE], Alex Cavanaugh! Enjoy!

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Challenges of Writing a Sequel

Some writers envision detailed worlds and further adventures for their characters. They plan for more books. Not everyone has that vision, though. I certainly didn’t!

When I wrote CassaStar, it was intended to be a standalone book. I’d carried the idea around for years and even wrote a rough draft when I was younger. I’d envisioned many adventures for Byron and Bassa, but when I wrote CassaStar (spoiler!) I killed off one of the characters. That rather nixed further stories.

I panicked when people began asking about a sequel, even before CassaStar’s release. What the heck was I going to write?

One question continued to come up from fans - why weren’t there any women in the book? I decided to give the fans what they wanted and introduced a female lead into the story. Drawing upon an earlier idea, I created a whole new storyline, one that I hoped would satisfy my readers. That definitely taught me to continue fueling new ideas.

I also continued with the theme from the first book - friendship and trust. After countless rewrites of the outline, I used NaNo last year to complete the first draft of the sequel. I revised the story, ran it by my critique partners and test readers, and submitted it to my publisher in June.

And I am happy to say the sequel will be released next February 28 as CassaFire!

Of course, now everyone expects a trilogy! Back to the drawing board…

Thanks again, WDEBO, for allowing me to be part of your anniversary celebration!

~~~

Now for CONTEST!

Enter to win an ebook copy of Alex's book CassaStar. (Just fill out the form below!)

Wdebo :)

BB: Guest Post+Contest: Steve Kluger

Next up is the talented author of books such as MY MOST EXCELLENT YEAR and ALMOST LIKE BEING IN LOVE (Both of which are my personal favorites), Steve Kluger.

Enjoy!

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People are constantly asking me where I get my ideas for the stories and characters I put into my fiction. In fact, I’m not nearly as prolific as I’ve been perceived to be, since virtually all the stories are true and all of the characters are real people. I call it “creative reporting” rather than “creative writing.”

Of all the novels, the one that comes closest to being pure autobiography is ALMOST LIKE BEING IN LOVE. Fundamentally about two boys who fall in love with each other in twelfth grade and then don’t meet again for twenty years, it didn’t really require a hell of a lot of imagination on my part. All I had to do was reconstruct my senior year of high school. Exactly as it happened. Well, okay—maybe with one teensy little tweak. Because if I’d actually written it the way things played out in real life, the novel would have ended on page nine.

How To Fall in Love With Your Straight Best Friend

(If You Absolutely Must)

Anybody who's ever wondered just how long gay kids have been falling for straight kids need only take a closer squint at Mercutio, who somehow managed to glide through all fifteen years of his life without ever ungluing himself from Romeo's side. Furthermore, he had impeccable taste in clothes, a dancer's body, and a passion for Queen Mab–who, to this day, bears a suspicious resemblance to Bette Midler. It's not like you needed a road map to figure out what was going on.

Mercutio, of course, wound up on the wrong end of a rapier before he had a chance to pitch the advantages of same-sex domestic partner benefits to Romeo–and the rest of us have been striking out just as prosaically ever since. So how come we still insist on romancing our straight best friends at least once between Winnie the Pooh and college? Because we thrive on irony? (Yes.) Because it's good practice for the real deal? (Yes.) Because a broken heart is so irresistibly theatrical? (Absolutely. "Oh, my man, I love him so. He'll never know....")

Falling in love with Philip was definitely not on my agenda in October of my senior year. He was a 17-year-old godling from France who'd become the envy of the entire senior class, and I was a 17-year-old dork from Maryland who'd become the poster boy for Queer Bashing 101. (I'm still not sure how they figured out I was gay before I knew it myself, though I suspect the Ethel Merman thing may have had something to do with it.) Neither one of us remembers how we met; one minute he was asking me if he could borrow a dollar, and an instant later we were Phil-and-Steve (I always gave him top billing because he was way too cute not to have it). This unexpected development threw the bashers for a loop: in order to score points with Philip, they suddenly had to go through me first. Which meant acquiring a hasty tolerance for Gypsy, Mameand Funny Girl. Revenge is always sweet, but it takes a gay kid to make it musical.

I had no idea that Cupid had just shot me in the ass until Friday evening, November 14. I was in the midst of plowing through a novel I'd recently discovered (Valley of the Dolls, in case it matters) when I realized I'd read the same paragraph nine times without registering a word–because all that kept spinning through my head were images of Philip's twinkly eyes whenever he'd glance at me across a classroom, and the thermonuclear one-dimple grin that could melt plutonium.

Welcome to Gay Adolescent Hell.

Rules and Regulations
(Note: since this is autobiographical, it's about boys. But the formulas work the same way for girls–all you have to do is switch the pronouns and add Lesbian hair.)

1. Practice typing his name in 46 different fonts (including Japanese).
We didn't have iPads yet, so we did the best we could with ballpoint pens and notebook paper. I was more prolific than most: every one of my essays was originally titled "Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip Philip."

2. If you run into each other in the gym, avoid the showers as though they were radioactive. You really don't need a pulmonary embolism at 17.
As soon as I found out that Philip was a swimmer who wore Speedos, I chose track–which was as geographically far from the pool as I could get. On one occasion I ran a ninety-minute mile in the pouring rain just to make absolutely certain he'd already left the locker room.

3. Don't help him audition for a part in the school play, because you're only going to wind up being cast with him.
This is especially painful when the play in question is A Midsummer Night's Dream and the two of you have to spend six weeks together in tights. "Lysander, yield thy crazed title to my certain right," snarled Philip, poking me with a foil. "If thou say so, withdraw and prove it too," I glowered back, poking him in return. One such rehearsal resulted in an impromptu tickling match–which I needed like a hole in the head.

4. Don't waste your time searching for tiny clues that he's really gay. He isn't. Just because he's heard of Barbra Streisand doesn't mean he secretly wants to kiss you. Fidel Castro's heard of her too.
When we listened to The Grateful Dead and discovered "Uncle John's Band" together, it became "our song." Swiss Miss and chocolate chip cookies in the snow comprised "our menu," and after stumbling across ‘ubiquitous' on the senior English vocabulary list, we adopted it on the spot as "our word." Philip didn't seem to understand that these little landmarks meant he was supposed to ask me to marry him.

5. When he meets a girl he really likes, don't say stinky things about her to change his mind–he'll only get suspicious. Instead, help him plan his romance step-by-step, and when he wins her over (they always do), make yourself absolutely indispensable to her.
Nancy knew inside of nineteen seconds that I was in love with her boyfriend–but since I played my cards right, she kept my secret. This sort of unexpected bonding was nothing new; straight women and gay men have been confiding in each other ever since Guenevere (Julie Andrews in the musical) and Lancelot (Robert Goulet) figured out that they both had the same kind of long-range plans for Richard Burton.

6. Be careful when you buy him birthday presents–you don't want to tip your hand.
The label-maker he's coveted, the new copy of Abbey Road, and the dozen boxes of chocolate chip cookies (half of which he's going to share with you anyway) are relatively benign; the slim volume of poems entitled You're My Friend So I Brought You This Book isn't. Can you spell "dead giveaway"?

7. When the nearby girls’ school asks for boy volunteers to help build the sets for a production of “Brigadoon,” stick cotton in your ears during rehearsals.
Brigadoon was written five years before you were born. Which means that the song “Almost Like Being in Love” was not inspired by you and Philip. Do the math, dude.

8. If you're wondering whether being in love with your best friend means you've finally come out to yourself, the answer is yes.
I had two choices: I could either pretend I was straight and forget about Philip, or keep Philip and admit the obvious. Talk about a no-brainer.

9. When you tell him the truth, don't be pissed off if he guesses it first.
Philip confessed that he'd begun to get the hint about an hour and a half after we'd met–but it didn't make any difference because nobody had ever loved him so unconditionally before. "And I love you too," he said. "It's just in a different category." Somehow I felt cheated out of my big scene.

10. Don't be surprised if you remain best friends for the rest of your lives.
Philip is married, has two kids, and lives in Philadelphia. We still listen to "Uncle John's Band" and we still say ‘ubiquitous' to each other. As a matter of fact, I e-mailed him the first draft of this column and received the following reply: "Lose the Ethel Merman bit. You're dating yourself. And by the way–that was half a lifetime ago. Get a grip already. Love, Phil."

Sure, it was hell–but the memories have always been worth it. And eventually we all outgrow the need to fall in love with our straight friends. Most of the time. I mean, sort of. Well, okay, there was this one occasion when my new dentist turned out to be a relentlessly breathtaking and irredeemably hetero-sexual Japanese American who left me no choice but to fake a pain in an upper left molar just so I could stare up into those big brown eyes during the four visits it took him to complete the root canal I didn't need.

But that's another story.

~~~

Now for the contest, Steve will give a copy of any one of his books (List below).

My Most Excellent Year
Almost Like Being In Love
Last Days Of Summer
Changing Pitches

To join, just fill out THIS form!!

Good luck!

Wdebo :)

Guest Blog: Jess C Scott

Hey buddies!! Hopefully everyone is having an awesome Thanksgiving :) So, today, I have for you a guest blog by Jess C Scott, the author of EyeLeash: A Blog Novel, now she has a new book called 1:The Intern...so here is her post for that book...enjoy!!

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BOOK SUMMARY: A 17-year-old intern must choose between trusting an irresistibly suave dance instructor—or her instincts. SINS07 is a series featuring lighthearted tales that explore each of the seven sins in order, beginning with lust.

* Jo.Zee is the dance instructor in the book. This would be his character profile.

Name: Joshua Zee / Nickname: Jo.Zee (21 years old)
Zodiac: Gemini Sun

Occupation / Credits:

1) Performed in several concerts and major events, for companies like Adidas, MTV, and Samsung.

2) Teaching dance and fitness classes for over a year at studios, schools, and clubs, such as the prestigious CRUNCH Club RX, DefDance, and Equinox.

3) True passion is, and always has been, dance. Continues to develop multiple skills from a wide array of disciplines including Muay Thai kickboxing, Latin jazz, hip hop, and yoga, to name a few.

Eye/Hair Color: Dark mysterious eyes, and dark (slightly messy) hair
Heritage: Biracial (Korean father, Eurasian mother)
Biggest Inspirations: Michael Jackson and Rain (K-Pop)
Favorite Food & Drink: Chicken wings. Chai tea. Water. Smirnoff.
Favorite Sport: Dance. Motorcycling. Rollerblading.

In 6 Words: Suave, attractive, “badboy”, talented, sociable, enigmatic

Quotes: “[Dance is] more than a feeling. It’s a vibe you get from the music. It’s a connection with the body. My goal is to help others experience the joy and freedom I have found through dance.”
“[Hip Hop is] the dance to me. It moves my soul the most.”

“[Rainism is] a quite difficult dance by a singer called Rain. I respect him a lot. He’s been in a couple of Hollywood movies too.”

“Being healthy is not defined by the number of hours you workout or the amount of calories you eat. Eat in moderation and remember to move everyday. A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement.”

EXCERPT (from POV of protagonist, Suzie Q):

There’s even a freakin’ roof garden at the top level. It gives an alluring, brilliant view of the city nightscape. Roxeth is a grand city, awesome by day but even more spectacular at night.

“This is so beautiful.” I’d like to turn a little to face Jo.Zee, another “view” for my eyes, that wouldn’t be too much of a bad thing. I’m lingering, breathing deeply, just because he smells so good. He isn’t stinky in the turnoff kind of way—it’s a sweet, natural, hint-of-a-sweat boy smell. I think I’d like this even more than if he were fresh out of the shower.

“I love rooftops,” Jo.Zee says, taking in the city skyline. “It’s nice dancing high above the crowd. Takes you to new heights.”

I ask if he’s ever danced on top of a building before.

“Many times...but never with somebody else.”

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Author Bio:Jess identifies herself as an author/artist/non-conformist. Her literary work has appeared in a diverse range of publications, such as Word Riot, ITCH Magazine, and The Battered Suitcase. She is currently working on the SINS07 series, as well as an urban fantasy project featuring cyberpunk elves. Her novella, The Devilin Fey, hit #1 in Amazon’s “Hot New Releases in Bargain Books” in July 2010.

Website: http://www.jesscscott.com/

SINS07: http://www.sins07.wordpress.com/
Facebook: www.facebook.com/jesscscott
Twitter: www.twitter.com/jesscscott

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Wdebo :)

Guest Blog: Ron Riekki

Today we have Ron Riekki, author of Up [Click HERE for the Amazon site], for a guest blog, here we are...

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When the Electrical Book Cafe asked me to "write something that could help aspiring authors get to their goal," I thought, "What the heck is an 'Electrical Book Cafe?' It sounds like a B-side song from Smashing Pumpkins. Or Blind Melon. Some band with an adjective in front of a food." And then I thought maybe it's an actual book cafe, but then I realized it wasn't. It was actually an electronic book cafe, so then I was kind of let down. Until I realized it was an Electrical Book Cafe and More and then I was kind of excited and confused. And then I saw it was written by someone named Weeblos with a dog named Haai-O, which is what Ed McMahon used to yell on The Tonight Show. And then after that I remembered I was supposed to write about helping expiring authors to get to their goal and so I thought of Jack Kerouac's "Belief & Technique for Modern Prose," his 30 essentials for those who want to write. I remembered loving that list when I first read it, at the height of a Kerouac addiction that shifted to a Kerouac admiration and now is basically a Kerouac's pretty good. But I thought it might be fun to write up my own kind of list, especially as I'd never attempted to do something along those lines before so it would sort of be like hosting my own cooking show with Chelsey Sullenberger III. So here it is . . . Here's my

30 BELIEFs & TECHNIQUEs FOR POsT-MODERN PROsE (I made the S's small to be all post-modern-y)

1) If you ever have a choice between staying in and writing for the night or going out and kissing someone you love, go out. Choose love over writing every time. Every time. Unless that person will lead to an eventual divorce and a subsequent suicide . . . then stay in and write.

2) If a creative writing teacher ever tells you that you don't have talent, don't listen to them. They're just mad that they're going bald.

3) Read a lot. No idea what to read? Then pick up Andrew Calcutt & Richard Shephard's Cult Fiction: a reader's guide and read every MUST READ listed in the book. That's what I've been doing since I picked that book up at the Harvard Coop in Cambridge in 1998. And if right now you are reading Sarah Palin's Going Rogue and/or that book Twilight by whoever wrote the book Twilight, then you should be shot. And also you're magical, because you're reading this, so how could you be reading Sarah Palin's Going Rogue at the same time?

4) Write a lot. I knew too many "writers" in the MFA programs I graduated from who talked about writing but didn't write. Just like Socrates and Jesus. And since their MFA, they haven't gotten published. Just like Socrates and Jesus. They gave up writing and went to law school or medical school and now they make $170,000 a year. Just like Socrates and Jesus.

5) Don't publish on vanity presses. When I was writing for the Forest Park Review, I had to read a vanity press book. It was the most painful experiences of my life. OK, that’s an exaggeration. I had my collarbone broken. That was worse. And breaking up with my last girlfriend, worse. And living in Alabama for two years, definitely worse. Even worse than the collarbone thing. So I’ll change that reading of the vanity press book to 48th most painful moment of the last five years. Case in point--I'll randomly google a vanity press book now and see what comes up . . . and the first title I came across was We're Gonna Need More Arrows!: hunting adventures around the country and around the world. I haven't read it, but I have a feeling that book would make Going Rogue look like Dostoevsky. And to the author of We're Gonna Need More Arrows!: hunting adventures around the country and around the world, feel free to thank me for doubling your publicity on the book. I want a cut of your first royalty check that will never arrive so forget that I'm even talking to you right now but if you are reading this seriously have a sense of humor because I know you own a lot of arrows.

6) Get an agent. Put that at the top of the list. You have to have a literary agent. By the way, I should note that I don't have an agent, which means it’s sort of idiotic to listen to my advice about the importance of agents I suppose. So go on to point 6.

7) Go to Harvard. The best writers seem to come from Harvard Medical School and Harvard

Law School. That's because they have the money that it takes to become a writer. Being a writer is kind of like being a homeless person except you have a home and a laptop. If you can’t go to Harvard, then become a nurse. Major in Nursing and get your minor in Creative Writing. That way you can have a job so that you can eat during your crazy I-wanna-be-a-writer days. And you'll also know how to treat a sucking chest wound. If you can’t become a nurse or go to Harvard, then move to Ireland. People from Ireland know how to write. And if you can’t become a nurse or go to Harvard or move to Ireland, then become a wizard. Because, seriously, how cool would it be to become a wizard? Especially if you were a magical wizard and not just like a normal everyday wizard.

8) Pray.

9) Go to writer's conferences. You won't learn anything at them, but the hook-up ratio at those things is off the charts.

10) Listen to 2Pac. I'm not joking. If you ever have writer's block, listen to 2Pac. And not just All Eyez on Me--I'm talking all of his stuff: 2Pacalypse Now, Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z., the Makaveli stuff. And listen to Malcolm X speeches. And get really competitive when you go bowling. That aggression and commitment will get your pen going. Does me anyhow. Oh, and don't listen to Nickelback. It’s physically impossible to win the Pulitzer Prize and listen to Nickelback at the same time. Although it is possible to listen to Nickelback and end up in rehab.

11) Other cures for writer's block other than listening to "Keep Ya Head Up" include travelling, having a severe gambling addiction, volunteering, committing a minor misdemeanor, going to a black church (going to a white church though has been proven to cause writer's block, see Harvard Review of Psychology, 1963), lighting a fire in a fireplace, being on the BBC, rowing, going AWOL from military service, landscaping, visiting a Holocaust museum, and baking.

12) Root for the Lions.

13) Buy my novel U.P., http://www.amazon.com/u-p-R-Riekki/dp/0979625564.

14) Like Proust, be an old teahead of time . . . err, excuse me that's from Kerouac's list. Which reminds me . . .

15) Read Kerouac's "Belief & Technique for Modern Prose." I can’t come up with 15 more suggestions. That’s just ridiculous.

Anyway, I hope these suggestions will help exhaling authors get to their goal. And if it doesn’t help you, good! What? Do you think I want you competing against me? I should have had this list be things like “Don’t read” and “Avoid writer’s conferences” and “listen to Nickelback.”

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Wdebo :)